Dear Diary

In the book Sunny by Jason Reynolds, the titular character starts each section with Dear Diary. I shall do the same! Since I have soo many different thoughts just like Sunny. (I love the Track series and I think Sunny is my favorite one so far.)

Dear Diary,

I love breathing cold air because my lungs are gunky.

My heart rate is always fast. According to my doctor, when I was at my sickest it was 112/minute! Today it’s close to 100. I’ve heard that turtles, which live very long, have slooooow heart rates. I wonder if having fast heart rates means I will live not very long?! No way. I must live!

I love freedom. I love wandering around during the morning, day, and early afternoon. I love it so so so much!!!!!!! Free time is my absolute favorite thing.

I started playing viola again! It is fun. I’m going to practice again. Left hand fingers, get ready to get callused!

I love my 3 devices 😛 I love them equally. My iPad, my small iPhone and my larger iPhone. I use them for different purposes! For texting, journaling, yoga, Tsum Tsum, and reading in bed. Does that make me a weirdo?

I feel less alone after finding out that so many teachers feel the same. Not only that, I think the PhD program will be a good fit for me because I will meet other people like myself who were former classroom teachers. Education has been disappointing to me but it’s not the end. In fact, it is only the beginning! The best is yet to come. (Free time! Music, reading, art, sushi rice, sleeping in!)

After reading Break of Dawn and Berlin’s story, I am super inspired. I feel like no matter what happens in my small classroom in a suburb in the SGV, life is so much bigger than that. I hope I am able to let go when we go back. (I mean, let go and not get in trouble 😜.) Everything will be alright.

Now that I know what I am passionate about, I can look at my job differently. I can perhaps take a risk and see it as a way to make income to pursue what I really want to do. I’d like to feel more detached from my job, and not lose sight of the fact that:

-Life is bigger than this school year or these particular students. Much much bigger!

-I will always remember the students who were understanding, who listened, and were kind. Thank you ❤ I am so glad there are kids like you and I hope you grow up to be just as kind adults.

-Have compassion for myself, so that I can have it for others.

-Health comes first! Don’t endure.

THAT, my diary, is what I need to stick to! Not to do an amazing job, but to forgive and have compassion for myself. It’s ok if I don’t get along with 1, 2, or even 15 of my students. But I do worry that it is going to hurt me to spend so much time around mean and evil children 😜😰. Perhaps what I need to do is to do the things I love that much more to balance it out!

I pray for patience and serenity this year. Thank you, I love you all!

The true revolutionary is guided by great feelings of love.” – Che Guevara

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