I am so honored that there are people reading my blog! For a long time this was personal and I thought I’d be mortified if my real-life friends read this, but lately I’m becoming more honest and true to myself. So, HELLO READERS!!! Maybe you found me from Goodreads or Twitter? I love the people I follow/talk to on there too!
This week, I feel more true to myself than ever. For a long time, I had been feeling guilty and not myself. My parents have always given me a hard time about not being accomplished or failing, and giving me shame about not having a stable career at age 30. I had also been teaching for about 3 or 4 years, but I’ve always struggled with it. In addition, I haven’t felt good in relation to guys because they always tell me I need to relax more or I’m not brave/strong enough. I guess they like pretty tomboys.
I know I am not these things:
- Authoritative teacher who is great with all kids
- A cool and chill girl who’s physically active, yet feminine
- Successful career woman who is married and a homeowner
Whether by my own choice or unintentionally, I kept being in situations where I was expected to be these things. I pretended and try but of course, since they are not me, I failed. It finally came to a point where I could not take it anymore. I was done putting in effort that wasn’t worthwhile. I didn’t want to fail at something I didn’t even want to do.
Plainly and simply, I wanted to be myself.
I am not doing anything bad. I don’t have any “misbehaviors.” (I never have!!!!!!) There is no reason I need to be feeling guilty for who I am. Even if I am not smart or accomplished, there is nothing shameful about it. Without shame, I am able to live more openly, hopefully, and joyfully. I can start to embrace my life.
I know I am these things:
- Silly, nerdy, and weird
- A singer (I want to be part of a glee club!)
- A total bookworm
- Accepting and loving. Diversity rules!
- An introvert and comfy nerd
- A creative person!!!
- A loyal and trustworthy friend
Because I know I am these things, it doesn’t matter anymore whether I have a 6-figure job, whether I am a cool girl, whether my parents accept me, or any of those things that used to make me feel uncomfortable about myself. I’m really happy to be in my own skin and live the life I have always wanted for myself <3.