Survival tactics #1

My father could pelt me with shards of glass, for all I cared. Nothing was going to get to me that day. Soon I’d be at Rebecca’s house where I’d be treated like a queen. – Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh

Written by one of my favorite writers, this quote describes how I’ve survived nearly 30 years under my parents. I always told myself that one day, I would be living a good life and they would not be able to touch me.

At school, when I was teaching and being nearly abused in the classroom, I told myself that one day, this was going to be in the past, and I would never have to see this student again.

Whether it is healthy or not, this tactic of looking forward to a day when these people are not in my life anymore has carried me to this day. I’m not ashamed to say that when I really didn’t have to see these people or students anymore, I was happy. Overjoyed. Relieved.

I do wish I was treated like a queen. But as of now, I am just so glad that my life is not constantly stressful. Perhaps one day I will be treated like a queen.

There I go again looking forward.