Home / nature / bossiness

I’m continuing my notes from Rookie here! The theme I am reading today is Home. Before I find out what home means to other people, I will say what home means to me. (This is actually an exercise I did with my therapist & I found it helpful!)

  • Home feels safe, comfortable, anxious, and intense to me all at the same time.
  • My favorite “home” ever is when I lived in an apartment in Menifee all. by. myself!!! I really love living and especially when you can do anything you want.
  • I totally agree with this tweet that “the millennial version [of the baby boomer home] is 6 houseplants and no roommate.” It’s a pretty ideal living situation. However, I think there are MANY ideal living situations as long as you are safe and comfortable.
  • Ideal homes: Carl and Ellie’s in Up and Rapunzel’s tower. I love homes full of creativity and personality! I love tours of artists’ studios and working spaces too.
  • Last note about home: I’m terrible at cleaning so my home is sloppy. However, I love spending time at home. Memories are made outside and adventures are to be had at home.

Here are some articles and tips that stood out to me.

  • Empire State of Mind
    • This is something I am heavily considering, if I’m serious about pursuing publishing, which I am.
    • BUT I hate bugs in the home!!!!! I strongly prefer NOT dealing with bugs.
    • I’m not sure how I’d feel about living in a city for a long time. On one hand I think I’d love it, but I also like getting away from everything, which doesn’t seem very feasible in a place like NYC.
  • Nothing Really Matters
    • This is soooo true!!!! Nihilism has actually ENCOURAGED me to make the most of everything since it’s the only chance I get. I’ve become less afraid of messing up because with the world being so big and my time on Earth being so short, the consequences of making any one mistake is actually not that great. This has given me the freedom to pursue really anything I set my heart to.
    • I don’t mean that in a nihilistic way, like, “we are all insignificant so we shouldn’t bother doing anything.” I kind of mean the opposite: If your life is just a teeny tiny blip on the radar, the only meaning it has is what you give it, and the only person it needs to mean anything to is you. For me, that means not stressing out too much about any one project or about being “known” in any way, and focusing instead on enjoying my time on the planet as fully as possible each and every day.

    • I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time in my life worrying about how I’ll be remembered in the end (of high school, of college, of a certain period of life, or my whole life) instead of focusing on what I’ll remember.

  • Boss Behavior
    • Wow, this really spoke to me. As a teacher, I had a hard time with students who talked back and obviously as a manager of any kind, you don’t want the people you are in charge of to disobey you.
    • On the other hand, I really believe in making things better and justice and honesty are so important to me. It’s really hard to say because obviously, we never want to lose our jobs or get in trouble–no one needs that kind of stress. Yet if nobody spoke up, things would never get better. This is why I could never be a police officer or survive in an environment that’s highly hierarchical. I would 1) Get in trouble right away; 2) Keep the peace but be super miserable.
    • Women, particularly young ones, who command attention and respect and who dare question the status quo are all too often seen not as assets, but as threats to those in power, who, not coincidentally, are seldom young or women.

    • But the effects of such microaggressions accrue over time, and they can shut people up for life. They shut me up for 13 years, but I didn’t wait till I was 35 to find confidence and autonomy, thanks to the examples set by my mom and a bunch of other bossy women.

    • Having worked as a teacher, I’ve experienced microaggression not only from men but from other women, including young and minority women like myself, and it adds another layer to workplace politics. It seems like no matter what I do, someone might get offended. But like the last point I made, IF someone is going to be offended no matter what, then you might as well speak your mind (so long as there is a need to.)
    • In order to speak up, you need to have confidence in yourself. That EVEN IF you speak up and get fired, you will be okay. Or have leverage. My Airbnb host actually told me that she makes a lot of requests to her boss because she has leverage, since both her and her husband work. That is a kind of privilege and I recognize that I am super lucky to have savings and confidence that I will find work, but not everyone has that. (Thanks, Frannie!)

In conclusion, if you plan on telling the truth or being “bossy,” I recommend the following:

Tell the truth with a soft touch and focus on the situation rather than the person. 

Basically, give the other person an out and try to stick to #facts. No one, even the most aggressive or secure person, like looking bad in front of other people. If you give everyone some dignity, things have the chance of going  a lot smoother.

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