Shadowscapes Day 13: Six of Pentacles

Today’s card is Six of Pentacles.

First, I’m really proud of myself for phonebanking against the recall in California on Sept. 14. It’s my sixth day of doing it.

Today was the first day I felt good about it. The first few days, I let the hangups, hostile remarks and opposition get to me. It even reminded me of not being stimulating enough when I was teaching. I felt super unpopular since people literally did not want to talk to me. I felt like I wasn’t good at talking to people, especially over the phone since I couldn’t see their reactions. When I talked to voters who were around the same age as me, I felt like I was getting rejected by my peers. When I talked to voters who were younger, I felt disrespected and it reminded me of not being able to get students to listen to me. When I talked to male voters, I felt put down and not taken seriously. When I talked to female voters, some of them made me feel dumb.

All in all, it was hard. Phonebanking is very humbling and eye-opening–you hear how people want to give you no time at all, and the aggression is real.

But I am also very proud of myself for doing it. As a an English learner, I’m talking to hundreds strangers on the phone in my second language. That is awesome. As someone who became American, I’m putting my skin in the game for democracy, when many American would not. I’m risking getting verbally abused and talked down to because I care deeply about my state and country. I’m proud of how I practiced my script and am not being shy to call people even with my accent and imperfect speech. I’m proud of how I did something that the people who rejected me would not. I’m proud of working for a good thing even when it hurts my ego. I’m proud of the thicker skin I’m developing. I stiffen my spine and keep being upbeat even when I come into “headwinds.”

I’m proud of the leader and person I’m slowly becoming.

Today’s card is about reciprocity: the piper waters the vines and branches, which in turn holds him up on the pedestal. I’m a big believer in reciprocity, which I learned from Sarah Rafael Garcia. Whatever you give (a request, a favor, a question, an insult, a kiss, a call) has to mean something to the person who is receiving it. That’s the only way that what they return to you can mean something. A favor from a frenemy who will later blackmail you, a kiss from a lover who no longer feels the same, an insult from someone who doesn’t know you–who really holds the power here? Who is the benefactor?

I love that the more I practice tarot daily, the more I can tell a story from the cards and apply it to my life.