Shadowscapes Day 21: The Hierophant

Today’s card is The Hierophant.

In the picture, a caterpillar appears as a moth in front of the Hierophant. Seeing the moth in flight, the Salamander also wants to fly. The Salamander asks the Hierophant if it may also fly.

“Just know that your own destiny shall be attained along a different path than Caterpillar’s,” he said.

The card makes me feel a little uneasy at first because it looks creepy, and I had an uneasy night of sleep. I realized that there are so many traps that I can fall into throughout the day on social media: seeing people get married and promoted, celebrities and toxicity. It really is awful on my mental health. For example, I felt horrible after watching couple vlogs because I feel like I would never be in one. I feel so unphotogenic after seeing celebrity Instagrams. I definitely feel odd because I’m single. It’s really hard to counter the feeling that I should be partnered; it’s like a loud voice in my head telling me that I’m unchosen. I literally have to tell myself to not listen to that voice!

This message isn’t going away. If anything, it’ll get louder. A few months ago I talked to my friend about how hard it is being a single, unmarried woman as you get older. There are single ~icons~, but they are rich and attractive celebrities for whom being single is an asset. If anything, being single makes them more desirable. For regular single folks, life can be hard in several ways. One that I’m feeling right now is just being, literally, odd because I’m not paired with someone. I’m the extra person on the guest list, if I make it to the list at all. Another is that society is not favorable or trusting of single women. I don’t have a boyfriend or husband to refer to in conversations. There’s just so much social capital in being coupled. 😭

Going back to today’s tarot card, desirability has always felt like a puzzle to me, and something I don’t have. I feel like the Salamander in the parable because flight is unattainable to me, but I see other creatures having that ability. 😥 This is definitely a feeling I have to sit and get comfortable with. How do I celebrate being a Salamander??

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