I’m in a writing group that meets every Monday night, and it is awesome! It’s a writing coven, and we write to some strange and spooky prompts. I want to share some of them here, and maybe work on a zine based on everything I’ve written with Rio de Mi Vida.
Since it’s winter break, I have time to myself, and it’s such a night-and-day difference to when I work. I ‘m able to clean the house, take care of my plants, cook, do laundry, walk to get food, play viola, draw and generally take better care of myself. I have to figure out how to do this when I’m working too. It’s so hard — I eat badly, I spend more, and the place is a mess when I’m working.
I told the district today that I will be back for the week after break, then I will be removed from the assignment after that. I think day-to-day is a much better fit for me. School politics are a minefield, and being a long-term sub only makes me feel more out of place. But I feel really torn because I like being with some of the students and adults — it sucks that I have to leave because other people make it so difficult. I still remember and think about some of the students and adults in the previous schools I worked at. I wish I could have continued working with them.
But it’s hard to describe the mental and physical toll it takes on my body, feeling literal animosity, day after day. I wonder how people deal with it for years. I can only handle weeks and months of it. When I have time to myself, like today, I feel so free. I sing and play my viola — it’s so much fun literally letting sound come out of me. I love trying to make sense and struggling through measures. I need to play with more vitality and be more energetic in general. When I record myself, I can hear that I’m on beat, but I need to show more tension and emphasis.
Anyway, the best feeling in my life is probably right now and the month after I left IHCS. I really felt free and could do a bunch of creative things like baking, singing and gardening.
With day-to-day subbing, my responsibility ends when the last bell rings, so it should give me more peace of mind and capacity after work. Tutoring Laila after subbing all day can be kind of draining, but I like working with her. I have to manage that. Tutoring Yusuf and Yahya on Saturdays is fine — I really enjoy doing that. I love working at LibroMobile too. I want to make an effort to actually draw and work on my hobbies on weeknights. It’s hard because being at school and in charge of kids is so draining.
Nonetheless, in 2022 I really want to draw, write, cook/bake, play music and create more. I spent nearly two hours today tending to my plants — it was so much fun just being around them, repotting, watering and looking at them. I really love my garden! Thank you to the plants that no longer serve me — I really enjoyed having you and trying to revive you, and I accept that you are no longer living. Going to the MakerSpace at Crear Studio gave me ideas of what I can create. Also, I love the tutorials on library IGs; I want to craft and use up the materials I have. I just want to feel more at home, and literally spend more time at home. With COVID, I don’t think this will be a problem.
I’m really grateful I’m able to work every day, even though subbing is hard. I’m glad I have income and can do creative things. I also want to work on a campaign in 2022. I also want to work at HipCooks next year! I think it will be a great year.