Today’s card is The Magician.
“Upon a rock, he sees the gifts that have been left for him. The relics of the elements glint in the sunlight, and as his hands close upon the offerings, a smile touches his lips at the power that surges through them.”
This card is about drawing on the unseen resources around you and harnessing them into something useful and great. I haven’t felt very creative lately. I feel drained from subbing and trying to clean, cook, and do everything to keep myself going. On my days off, I easily nap for hours.
I over-exerted myself from 2016-2019, and it really broke me. I’m functioning now, but I will never be the same as I was before then.
Even now when I’m subbing, memories of the classroom and students come back to me. Some good memories, and a lot of triggering, hard moments where I felt at the end of my rope.
Nonetheless, there are many creative things I want to do. I want to get back into crafting and incorporating writing into other activities. Keeping a log and making a habit of checking in with myself will help.
One comforting thing is that the creative flame inside you will never go away. I picked up my viola, tuned it (even though the G-string peg keeps slipping!), and found my Mogill and Suzuki books from back then. When I played the pieces again, I somehow remembered it.
I also have had a few precious moments subbing a 5th grade class at Heideman. Victor told me that he watched OddSquad and Wilk Kratts. That was super sweet and awesome.